Cause…Why?

Nothing is simple anymore.

A friend and I wanted to challenge ourselves and drove to a nearby picturesque lake where it is possible to walk the entire perimeter – 22 whole miles!!!  Okay, I know you marathoners are scoffing at this point – “That’s not even a whole marathon!” or “Don’t you know how many meters or “K” that is?”  Well, haters, since I will never ever contemplate the reality of running this kind of distance (Marathoners, you crazy!) I do love to walk and previously, after much carjockeying, had walked halfway (okay, Math people, that’s 11 miles) which was a challenge but a lot of fun.

Since 11 miles took 3 hours, I used my limitless math abilities to determine that 22 miles would take – wait for it – wait while I get out my calculator – okay, I got it – 6 hours!!! Well, Math has never walked 22 miles.  Apparently, we had way more ambitious people traveling with us on the 11 mile trek, and the two of us walk slower as we talk faster.

Also, an unusual interchange occurred with each person or persons we encountered on the trail.  Communication only consisted of a few comments because people are focused on walking or, in our case, their overtaking of us, but invariably every single, last person asked what we were walking FOR.

Like a cause, a benefit, or something.  Now I support all kinds of walks, runs, skips in all varieties of K’s, but is it now frowned upon to simply walk for walking’s sake?  Is this not a free country?  Am I frittering away my left-right (left-right-left) resources by not participating in a sanctioned event?

Speaking of events, earlier this summer I did participate (so there!) in a “sanctioned” walk for a cause.  You know, one of those where they throw various substances at the walkers – mud, beer, multi-colored liquids, money? (sorry, it’s for a cause, not me I get it) – and I never did quite figure out what the cause was – it was listed on the brochure as “survivorship” but isn’t that a little nebulous?  I mean that could be just waking up every morning – which believe you me I’m all for!

Anyway, I would like to support a new cause – the Just Be cause.  So, if I want to run, walk, crawl, sit, nap or pretty much anything, I CAN DO IT!  JUST BECAUSE!!  SEND ME MONEY!!  YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!  YOU’RE WELCOME!!!

Christmas Newsletters

As the holiday season approaches, each of us steels ourselves for the one thing that causes the most stress, ups the violence statistics, and acts as a trigger for chronic depression episodes – yes, I mean Christmas newsletters.

These seemingly innocuous missives started off innocently enough – little notes to catch you up with friends and family far and near. They have turned into E!News biographies on the unbelievable, incredible, completely unsubstantiated and improbable conquests and successes to rival that of Donald Trump, Bono, Angelina Jolie, and Bill Gates.

We once received a newsletter that was two full pages, single-spaced, 8-point typestyle that regaled us of a litany of activities that would take two lifetimes to complete, much less 12 months since the last bulletin. I didn’t leave the house for three days.

I try to be happy for others and their accomplishments, really I do; but I find myself looking for chinks in the armor. Their kid’s a straight-A student? I’ll bet he doesn’t have any friends. They’ve travelled to Europe? Probably picked up a bug that hasn’t surfaced yet. Ran a half-marathon? Oh, too lazy for a full marathon? Loser!

But in the spirit of the season, I’m going to try to take the high road and express my joy at my friends’ good fortune – right after I untangle these $%^*%^&% Christmas lights!